Attraction Mind Map

(Photo Credit: Hamed)

I found myself having to learn about the act of forgiveness recently. My lesson is not about the act of forgiving others but to myself. As part of my regular exercise on mental housekeeping, I had asked myself two nights ago, before my meditation, what blocks was I having that could be in the way to greater abundance for me.

As I sat there, with eyes closed, I felt a shift in energy consciousness.

I did not have to wait very long.

An answer flashed with great clarity: Act of Forgiveness.

Immediately, my mind recalled one of the several paragraphs that I was reading that very afternoon from Louis Hay’s book on You Can Heal Your Life. In her findings, Louis had discovered that much of our problems, be they in health, relationships or wealth, have their roots in inadequate or lack of self love. I had read the book as-is but had not taken the time to dwell on any specific parts that afternoon.

In the stillness of the night, what dawned upon me was a subconscious realisation that I had not forgiven myself for many of the past mistakes I have made in my life.

My Ensuing Flashback

One particular tough period for me, in the ensuing flashback, was when I was in my early to mid 20s. With low self esteem, I was starving for love. Not knowing any better, I did not look within but was seeking for love externally. I thought love was to be found from the guys that I dated. I wanted to find a lifetime partner, for sure.

I was attracted to all the external attributes: good looks, great career in banking and finance (I met them mainly through work), charm and wit. And I was lucky to be able to attract these guys to date me as well. They were, afterall, some of the most eligible bachelors around.

It was a painful period as each relationship ended. I went through a rollercoaster period of emotions. I could be feeling on top of the world because of a budding romance one day and then sobbing my heart out from yet another broken relationship some months later. While I was all ready to be committed, the guys I dated were not. I did not also realise that I was not ready at all for relationships then. How could I be? I didn’t have enough self love. Invariably, it felt like I was the needy one in many of these relationships. On hind side now, I realise that many of these guys are also masking their own insecurities in their own way.

With the end of each relationship, I would go through a period of depression. I turned to pubbing. I feared being lonely. So, a few times a week, I would find myself in the “In” places in town, with a bunch of partying friends, most of whom I’m no longer in contact with. Luckily, getting drunk was all I did to drown my sorrows. It was an extremely difficult period to go through; with frequent bouts of throwing up in the public toilet due to excessive intake of alcohol.

My Needed Act of Forgiveness

Perhaps to many, a period of endless partying seem pretty normal.

Don’t also a lot of us going through the trials of dating, at some point in our lives? My husband posed me this same question, when I told him about my need for self forgiveness the next day. Didn’t I emerge a stronger person to later marry my husband? Why do I still need to forgive myself, if some good had come out from this difficult period?

Somehow, my mind (or rather I) chose to think otherwise. Subconsciously, I could not forgive myself for the folly of my youth. For not taking care of myself. For not choosing to act wisely. For hankering after a love (or the many) that was (were) inadequate or not quite there in the first place. I flinched in pain at the memory that my thoughts then were focused on useless ones that I could not live another day, or that I have lost all purpose in life. I never quite forgave myself for having fallen so weak.

Healing With EFT

I had thought that I cleared my negative emotions relating to this period with Siewfan, my EFT therapist already, some time ago. Despite having coming so far, I recognised that there was unfinished work to be done. I decided that EFT was the best tool I could use, for this situation.

I applied EFT tapping to my meridian points, to address a variety of possible angles on the act of forgiveness, with regards to this difficult period. For instance, some of my EFT statements were:

“I deeply and completely love and accept myself for being angry at myself.”

“I deeply and completely love and accept myself for not being able to forgive myself for making unwise choices in my relationships.”

“I deeply and completely love and accept myself for not being able to forgive myself for going into depression with respect to these relationships.”

My husband helped to muscle test me (In case you don’t know what this means, muscle testing is simply a way of finding out about what my subconscious mind says. I will share more about this in another post), to ensure that I cover sufficient ground in the act of forgiveness.

After a 15 minute session, I finally breathed a sigh of relief.

Oh yes.

At least for now, I am complete.

Why The Act of Forgiveness Is So Important?

By sharing about the act of forgiveness here with my post today, I am not saying that the best way to go about it is through meditation or to achieve healing by EFT. Although these methods have worked well for me, there are in fact, many exercises that you can do or tools that you can use to go about achieving self forgiveness. On the other hand, I am more concerned with highlighting how necessary the process of forgiving ourselves is, in our search for happiness and more fulfilment.

“Love is always the answer to healing of any sort. And the pathway to love is forgiveness.”
— by Louis Hay from “You Can Heal Your Life.”

Loving yourself completely also encompasses forgiving yourself unconditionally. There is really no need to be too hard on yourself. What is past is past. Juse let it go!

With regards to the Law of Attraction, I’ve illustrated many times on this blog that you cannot tune into abundance, if you do not have self love in the first place. Lack or inadequate self love translates into having low self esteem. When you are low in esteem, you have feelings of unworthiness. Your thoughts actually say that you are not worth love, success, good health, better relationships, good friends, or all the good things in life. You do not believe that abundance can be accorded to you, just like it has to your neighbours, friends and all the successful people out there.

Unfortunately, you cannot expect to attract abundance from the Universe, because you are exuding an energy that is lacking in abundance of goodness, love and kindness to yourself. There is simply no match.

When you treat yourself well, through the act of forgiveness, you are not doing in a way that exalts your ego. Rather, it is to release the negative thoughts and emotions that are preventing you from feeling good; so that the Law of Attraction can respond better to your positive thoughts and feelings.

“You must bring yourself into alignment with what you are asking for. That’s what joy is, that’s what appreciation is, that’s what the feeling of passion is. But when you are feeling dispair, or fear or anger, those are strong indicators that you are not right now in alignment with what you are asking for.” — Esther and Jerry Hicks

The act of forgiveness is a necessary cleansing process. It is a powerful transformational process, that can shift you from a place of pain and anger to one that vibrates in the higher frequency of love and compassion.

If things continue to go wrong for you, ask yourself if what you are really facing is the problem of inadequate self love. Then, begin today by forgiving yourself. Settle for nothing less than happiness and abundance in your life. Because you are worth it!

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