Attraction Mind Map

This post is extremely difficult to write but I decided that I really need to journal down more about the EFT work that I’m doing for myself.  I’m basically on this journey to confront my demons, emotions and negative beliefs that have been haunting my life.  I’ve given myself a 3 month goal  to confront the deeper emotional blocks in my subconscious mind, for emotional freedom and to set the stage for attracting even more abundance. (I will be reviewing at end Feb2008 to review my progress).  By journalling down, I’m also revealing what needs to be done in terms of changing mindsets, from negative to positive.

Yesterday, was another highly revealing and intensive EFT session with my therapist, Siewfan.  It was an episode in my childhood that had triggered a whole range of negative emotions that I have felt even till today.  My negative emotions ranged from being unloved, sad, abandoned, insecure, wounded, anger and violated. 

As a child, I was kept in a playpen for convenience.  I remembered my parents telling me that the playpen was my oyster.  I would play, sleep and watch things go by in that little oyster. They had put me there probably to keep me out of the way as they busied about working to pay for the roof over my head and to put food on the table.  Having enough for the basic necessities for the family was a source of concern those days.

I remembered my parents saying that I was happy there.  Was I really?

My memory now tells me otherwise.  I now sense that while in the playpen, I must have developed a sad and melancholic attitude. This attitude was one that I carried with me much throughout my life. 

During my therapy session, I learned that sadness was the only emotion that I could feel while in this playpen.  I do not know of any other emotion as I was seldom picked up from the playpen for hugs or touch. 

I now sense that my sadness must have arisen because I have been confined and not allowed to explore the world out there.  I had no freedom. 

In this playpen, I felt that there is no need for joy.  I just need to be a spectator of life events.  There is no need to get engaged and no need to take risks.

Convoluted emotions exist however.  While I did not like being kept out of the way, I relish the time I was in the playpen because it was safe and secure. 

From sadness, there is also much anger.  Why did no one ask or consulted me if I would have preferred to be out of the playpen?  I felt violated of my rights, although as a child, I doubt that I would know how to articulate these thoughts.

Needless to say, these innermost emotions have not served me well.  A triggering event would bring up these inner emotions.

I’m glad that I now understand a little more about myself.  I have released these negative emotions, at least on some levels.  (Emotional work has to be done on several deep levels before they are completely eradicated).

In my mind, yesterday, I have “burnt” this playpen, never to see it nor have it haunt me again.  Perhaps it has served its purpose in giving me a little oyster but it is of no use now.

It certainly feels great waking up to a newfound freedom this very morning!
 

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